There were two revealing moments for both men and women before the bride's entrance. The first was for many women, questioning themselves when did Prince Freckles become this attractive? And who was baldy standing next to the handsome crazy hair Prince? Oh...Prince William. Ok, ok.
The next revealing moment was for men. Because the minute Kate Middleton's sister, Pippa, entered the scene, every men's brain had a malfunction, leaving it all up to the automatic pilot that gave an automatic "royal salute" to Pippa's ass when it walked down the aisle in that immaculate Alexander McQueen, by Sarah Burton, white dress.
Now, these two were best man and bridesmaid, so definitely had a lot to talk about, to discuss, for hours...Could it be there's another Middleton on the hunt for the remaining Prince?
Chelsy Davy, the supposedly girlfriend of Prince Harry was also there. Should she worry? Hum...If a woman can make an Alberta Ferretti outfit look this slutty I can only imagine how happy she makes Prince Harry...
It seems cute flower girl isn't enjoying so much making part of the modern "Cinderella" Kate Middleton and "Prince Charming" William fairy tale...Maybe she's disappointed about the Prince being bald or that the carriage didn't turn into a pumpkin. Or that in place of sweet little mice singing, there's a crowd roaring, waiting desperately for the exchange of Royal saliva between the newlyweds.
I must say Kate Middleton surprised me in one point: she handled her nerves pretty well. Considering it must not be easy getting married thinking the eyes of the millions of people are watching you and realizing the Queen wore a hideous yellow outfit ... and Camillla Parker Bowles made one of the best dressed list.
I must say thumbs up for the dress. Not really my style but it's certainly timeless. And it's Alexander McQueen, by Sarah Burton. I say double thumbs up for Alexander McQueen remaining in history for this, although his geniality is not perceptible via Sarah Burton. Unless there's a skull on Kate's panties...
Is Kate Middleton ready to assume her Royal Duties?
Will.i.am stupid talked to Elle and with only two sentences destroyed decades of sex education.
ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible? W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just f-ckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.
So, condoms are tacky to Will.i.am. Maybe AIDS or any STD are tasty for him!..
Boy, this interview will haunt him for a long, long time. Just wait 'till Oprah reads this...
I had a rough time recognizing Kim's face on the cover of Cosmopolitan May issue. Kim Kardashian wax expression, with teeth that seem to pop out of the cover, pushes a little bit the boundaries of acceptable Photoshopped photos. She's still pretty curvy but we get the false impression that every inch of curve is almost immaculate, free of any cellulite. Don't think so...Could Kim Kardashian be as upset as she was when we got a glimpse of her cellulite filled ass? Of course not. She took Twitter to give her impressions about Cosmo photo shoot:
“This was such a sexy shoot and I love the way the photos turned out.”
Of course you did. And they are amazing. I would say...almost unreal. For someone that now, out of the blue, cares about the recognition of the Armenian Genocide, she could care for "smaller" causes like recognizing her own imperfections and not promoting an unreal image of herself.
Kind of like me, with my REAL amazing legs on the side picture... Now... How does this Photoshop enhancing works, you people?...I'm gonna make myself a Kardashian butt.
Let's see if Kim posts on her website her before vs after cover photo like she did with the ones she took for Complex...
Lindsay Lohan was at the Tonight Show after being sentenced to 120 days in jail and 480 hours of community service last Friday. I thought she was there to present her latest book: "How to dress to Court properly" but I was wrong. She was there to talk about something as real as this book I just came up with: her career... Outfit not a surprise. She wore a black blouse, probably reaching out for some sympathy among Jay Leno's audience. Yet she couldn't help herself to unbutton it 'till we had a glimpse of her boobs. (Don't get your hopes too high. You only see a little side boob. But Jay Leno, on the other hand, must have had another perspective...)
With no surprise she gave it her best shot. She admited her "poor decisions in the past" and hit the crowd with her best climb up of the Rocky steps:
"I’m a fighter and I know that I have to work to gain the respect back. I’m willing to do the work that I have to do to follow through with being an actress."
clap, clap,clap! The Eye of the Tiger...
Could this work in America?? Hell yeaaah! She had a stand up ovation. WTF you people??
She revealed that learning about her sentence was shocking and left her a bit dumb numb. (she learned about it after 10 shots of tequila...):
"It was shocking. I was a bit numb.", said Lindsay.
And she will get even more numb as 120 of her total 480 hours of community service will be served at the L.A. County morgue. What a drop dead sentence wouldn't you say?...(bad, really bad this one). Will she "see dead people?" Rest. She won't be in the autopsy area. According to a source she will be emptying the trash, vacuuming and cleaning restrooms. If you're thinking she'll have a breakthrough moment while among dead people, you're probably wrong. This is her second "visit" to the morgue. Back in 2007 she was there to do the same for her DUI second conviction. So unless this 2nd experience is creepy enough to scare the sh** out of her, I don't think she will be touched by how fragile life is...
She described her jail experience as interesting and that it was "definitely a wake up call". After this call she assaulted a Betty Ford staffer and stole a necklace...
But who are we to say she's got issues?
"...I’m in the clear now and I feel like as long as I stay focused then I will be able to achieve what I want to achieve.", said Lindsay.
Define in the clear Lindsay...
Well, it's not like she is such a delusional case as Charlie Sheen...
Just to make sure, Jay Leno asked her about where did she see herself in six years, when she reaches 30:
So, here's Miranda Kerr showing her post pregnancy body at the Tribeca Film Festival Premiere of Orlando Bloom's movie, "The Good Doctor".
Geeezzz! Remember my theory about supermodels' babies? Well, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom's baby is not only cute. He was born with a PhD in tummy tucks. It's been four months for God's sake!...How can this be? (I shake my head in perplexity while stuffing my mouth with easter chocolate eggs...)
I refuse to have a baby unless he's this skilled... Damn, she looks good! And, hey guys, wouldn't you agree she gained weight in the right places?...I thought so. Would it be gross if I reminded you guys why it is so?...I thought so too...
I'm going to hell anyway, might as well start spitting my poison in every direction. So, these two got married this Friday after a turbulent head-start. And by turbulent I mean they started "dating" and forgot while doing it they were both married. Now we ALL know, knew someone, or actually have been in that situation, right people?... But this one was under public scrutiny and we even had a bonus of a very public feud between LeAnn Rimes and Cibrian's ex wife, Brandi Glanville. And because we live in the Social Networks' Era, if we want to insult someone we do it properly: via twitter. That's equivalent to women's cat fight nowadays...
And because these two can't help...cheating...they deceived their wedding guests to think they were attending an engagement party. Apparently, even so, only a few believed they were actually getting "officially" engaged (approximately 40). So, somewhere along the party they decided to say "I do" and every guest smiled and wished them well. Oh, and the Easter Bunny was there too, of course.
About the affair, Rimes admitted in the Great American Country special Backstory:
"I know I didn't do it the right way," "I didn't have the tools to know how to do it the right way, how to let go the right way. I'd never been taught that...
Tools? Taught?! Now I don't want to question the many strange and twisted ways Love slaps you in the face (specially if it involves men with a dimple in their cheek) and catches you off guard with no tools but a pair of horns to put in your husband's / wife's forehead. And, OF COURSE, blame that lousy teacher, because he did't teach you how to end a relationship in a civilized way. It normally starts with "We need to talk..." But what do I know?!
Yet, we can't help but wonder if they can escape the saying: "once a cheater...
No, they are going to live happily ever after!... Oh, there goes the Easter Bunny again! Can you see it?...
Now, I must say the people at US weekly responsible for this must have been at Coachella Festival licking some white chocolate off their fingers before reaching such a decision... Because naming Jessica Simpson a Style Icon has consequences. And the consequences are replacing the meaning of Style in every f**ing dictionary. I know, I know. The chubby lady in the jury is trying to make a statement here, right? But although I do see a point on not validating "anorectic" celebrities, I do not see where Jessica Simpson's Style is.
Gosh, didn't you miss me, you guys? Say yes, please...So I'm back, straight from the City of Light and, no, I didn't bump into Beyoncé and Jay-Z who are, apparently, celebrating their third wedding anniversary in Paris. Au contraire of moi who had to settle with "licking" windows at famous Avenue Montaigne, Beyoncé did the whole "Yes, I can...and you can't" circuit while in Paris: indulged herself with top fashion designers' collections and jewelery, stayed in a penthouse suite at the Hotel Le Meurice( just $20,000 a night) with a private terrace facing the Tuileries Garden, lunched and dined at expensive restaurants and did a photo shoot for Harper's Bazaar at the Ritz Hotel (the photo above). There was still time to make husband Jay-Z really, really happy...
But, at the end, we all have something in common: we all fall irremediably in love with Paris...
I know, I know. It's the angle, the jeans, that damn hot dress Beyoncé has...nothing is helping here...
Uau! Wild Cat jogging! Killer glasses, Mickey! Why is it that every time I look at Mickey Rourke now and some picture of him from the 80's, always crosses my mind he accidentally dropped his face in a blender machine?
Mickey Rourke is on " f**k Hollywood!" mode for quite a while. But, now that he's back in the spotlight and eventually has to eat, he's making movies apparently just for the money. Hey, who can blame him? Still, he has time to be a little incoherent about his costars. After putting Megan Fox in a pedestal, he's taking it right back...sort of... A reporter of Vulture spotted him at the after-party of Scream 4 and he had nothing but nice things to say about his latest movies:
Let’s start with horror movies: You a fan?Depends. On what?If there’s nothing else to watch. I came here to see Harvey. I don’t know nothing about the movie. What about 50 Cent? He’s hosting. I haven’t seen him. You guys are in a movie together, right? A really bad movie, yeah. What?! Is it out?No, it’s so bad it can’t get out. Tell me why you made it.For the money. But you think the movie’s bad.Terrible. Why?You have to watch it. What about your movie with Megan Fox and Bill Murray?Terrible. Another terrible movie. But, you know, in your career and all the movies you make, you’re going to make dozens of terrible ones. You called Megan Fox, like, one of the best actresses of all time. That I worked with [smirk]. That movie’s getting limited release.That’s because it’s not very good. I know a good movie we can talk about: your rugby movie. That’ll be a great movie. We start shooting February.
Aren't you just dying to see these movies?... Now think about what his rep said to him about this...Could this be brutal honesty or a completely wasted Rourke talking nonsense? A little bit of both.
Still...he has to make a living and listen to his rep (even if mentally he's smashing his head against the wall...or putting it on his blender). So, just one day after this, he talked to Vulture again. This time to apologize...
Hey, guys. When I talked to you, I was at a party. It was loud and crowded, I was in a shitty mood and I was trying to get rid of your reporter. Mitch is one of my best friends since we were kids. I loved working with him and would do it again tomorrow. I don't know why I said that stupid shit. I love Mitch, I love Megan. My bad."
Reese Witherspoon, who's newlywed, by the way, talked to In Touch Weekly about her sex scene with Robert Pattinson in Water for Elephants:
“Rob possibly had the most hideous horrible cold of any co-star I’ve ever had to do a love scene with ever in my entire life,” she says. “He was literally snorting and snotting through every second of it – and it was not appealing,” she continues. “I’m talking green, infectious, disgusting – I’m not kidding!”
So he had a cold. Still, it is Robert Pattinson...in a sex scene. While Reese Witherspoon despises Rob's nasal fluids, millions of teenagers would kill just to be pulverized with one of his sneezes...
With such a graphic description, Reese, I am almost tempted to skip this movie, specially this part...
Meh...I take the sacrifice and see it anyway.
...and thank God it was him instead of the elephant with that horrible cold...Right Rob?
Is Bradleyfer back on?
According to X17, apparently yes!
Jen and Bradley have been spending more and more time together. It’s still the beginning of them rekindling their romance, but she’s excited about it. They started seeing each other in New York, and they’re definitely planning on hanging out more now that they’re both on the West Coast.”
Oh, stop moaning you Zellweger fans! She had him for year! Besides, who can tell by Reneé's face if she's pissed about this or not? Either she's happy or sad as hell, she always looks like she's sucking from a straw a really bitter juice, for God's sake! I don't know if this story is true or not. Although I was so renitent when the rumors about Jen dating Jon Mayer began and they were totally true. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed because I really think they look great together. And If this, for some reason, gets to evolve into marriage, there would be only ONE clause in the prenup agreement: Under absolutely no circumstance is Bradley Cooper allowed to make a film with Angelina Jolie...
Although I don't need an escuse to talk about Adele, I'm thrilled to have the chance to mention her here. Clap clap for Rolling Stone magazine for making her the cover of their last edition almost making us forget this unfortunate incident... And she looks absolutely gorgeous! Every time I listen to her I get goosebumps. For someone who's only 21 years old, wich is also the name of her latest album, she really has a lot of soul! Her hit song Rolling in the deep has a captive place on my all time favorite playlist. Magnificent to say the least...
Here are some highlights of her interview:
"My life is full of drama and I won't have time to worry about something as petty as what I look like," she tells Rolling Stone contributing editor Touré. "I don't like going to the gym. I like eating fine foods and drinking nice wine. Even if I had a really good figure, I don't think I'd get my tits and ass out for no one."
But Adele has no beef with other female recording artists who choose to flaunt their bodies. "I love seeing Lady Gaga's boobs and bum," she says. "I love seeing Katy Perry's boobs and bum. Love it. But that's not what my music is about. I don't make music for eyes. I make music for ears."
Adele also says many of the songs on her hit album 21 were inspired by a break-up with her boyfriend.
"He was artistic, but not romantic," she says. "We'd just bicker over a cup of tea or the fact that my lighter wasn't working." Nonetheless, Adele says, "He made me an adult and put me on the road that I'm traveling on."
Surprisingly, she reveals she still has terrible stage fright:
"I'm scared of audiences," she says. "One show in Amsterdam I was so nervous I escaped out the fire exit. I've thrown up a couple of times. Once in Brussels I projectile vomited on someone. I just gotta bear it. But I don't like touring. I have anxiety attacks a lot."
(Watch out front row!...)
She also has an alter ego she uses to pump herself up, called Sasha Carter – a composite of Beyoncé's Sasha Fierce and June Carter. “I was about to meet Beyoncé,” she says, “and I had a full-blown anxiety attack. Then she popped in looking gorgeous, and said, ‘You’re amazing! When I listen to you I feel like I’m listening to God.’ Can you believe she said that?” Later, “I went out on the balcony crying hysterically, and I said, ‘What would Sasha Fierce do?’ That’s when Sasha Carter was born.”
Here's Adele in Rolling in the deep. Do you get goosebumps too?
Although Hayden Panettiere is on Scream 4, she is making quite a buzz with her interview at the Ellen DeGeneres show where she revealed random people come up to her to ask about her sex life. For those of you who don't know, her boyfriend is Ukrainian heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko.
"He is quite a bit bigger than me," the 5'1" starlet, 21, said of her 6'6" beau, 35.
DeGeneres, 53, couldn't believe fans would ask Panettiere about her sex life. "I know what you're talking about, but I'm in shock!
"Where there is a will, there is a way!" Panettiere quipped about sex with Klitschko.
"[The people who ask me how sex works with my boyfriend] are very conservative people most of the time but that just have to know," she explained. "Like, 'I have to know, I just have to ask you this question. I'm really sorry but…'"
DeGeneres said such personal questions were "crazy and rude," but Panettiere defended the TMI-queries: "I don't mind it." (via US Magazine)
Where there is a will, there is a way...I must say it crossed my mind really... And every time Hayden Panettiere makes one more public appearance ,I breath a sigh of relief because it means she wasn't smashed into peaces by the beast, during sexual intercourse.
...I'm about to vomit...
You know...you're just pregnant, Mariah...How many nude covers do you have to make,hum? Life and Style, OK! Magazine...Thank God you're about to pop...
Mariah also tells OK! how much she already knows her twins' personalities
“You can tell the personalities a bit. In viewing our ultrasounds, our boy is all ready like Nick, like, ‘Here I am, take my picture or don’t, and our girl is coyly facing the other way, like, ‘No pictures,’ waiting for a proper debut. I took some ultrasound footage of them in the womb that I think they’ll definitely find interesting later in life.”
So, the girl is coyly...meaning like you? yeah...
Can you imagine if she's just like Mariah? Starts crying and, at some point, hits that high note, stays there until mommy feeds her?
Dita Von Teese and James Dean boyfriend Louis-Marie De Castelbajac (oh là là!!) were spotted in West Hollywood. As you can see, you don't have to pay a fortune to see Vont Teese burlesque boobs...
Frankly, at this point, I'm not even looking at her boobs. I'm still wondering how she got to evolve from Marilyn Manson to Castelbajac...
...because, when it comes to Gaga, style is innate my friends.
Lady Gaga was performing in Houston, last night, when she fell off the piano. She kept on singing amazingly well, with her head under the piano and her stunning legs (almost as good as mine...) standing up. She continued like it never happened. And I must say it hurts just watching it...
Now that's a star! Brilliant.
Amanda "I'm not taking that fu**ing parking ticket" Seyfried was spotted leaving Amika Nightclub in London with supposedly boyfriend Ryan Phillippe and friend Rachel McDowell, who was apparently there to disguise this fact... Ryan looks totally wasted and Amanda seems to be almost disgusted with that. As for friend of the couple, Rachel, she does her part but doesn't escape the fact that Ryan totally checks out her boobs at some point. I mean, if Amanda Seyfried is such a bitch when it comes to accepting the law, I can only imagine the hell you're going through, man...
As if it wasn't enough for a pregnant woman making every day the mental effort in front of a mirror to believe she's still hot although she can no longer see her feet, mom to be Selma Blair gets her photo taken standing next to super model Alessandra Ambrosio. And let me tell you: Selma looks thrilled... I can only imagine with those hormones jumping up and down what's going on Selma's head...and I support her 100%! May I remind you that apparently a baby came out of Alessandra Ambrosio's uterus. But, like every supermodel's baby, he/she develops with some plastic surgery knowledge, while in the belly. So, before that last push, the baby makes sure to tuck every abdominal muscle right back in, leaving his 9 months home, right how it was before he arrived. Oh, and also learns to breast feed leaving their super moms with intact and firm breasts at the end of it. But Selma is no supermodel...and this papararazzo just captured the moment when reality hit her...
Judging from Amanda Seyfried's attitude after the premiere of Red Riding Hood in London, the screening must have been a success... Either that, or maybe she is just realizing her supposed relationship with Ryan Phillippe is not that exclusive.
As she got into the car, after leaving the theatre she was presented with a parking ticket, wich apparently she rejected, giving it back to the policeman. She supposedly did it while saying "Thank you, but no thank you..." Are we beyond pissed here Miss Amanda, or what? Did she turn into a werewolf and rip the policeman's head off? Jeeezzzz! Look at her eyes! She couldn't probably pay it so she went for public humiliation instead. Good choice!
Could it be possible this man doesn't have a clue about who the hell are you? I mean, we begin with these little things and before we know it, we are living in a world where celebrities and politicians are immune to justice...
I'm beginning to think that every time I'm going to read an interview with Robert Pattinson I'm expecting to have a good laugh and, like the fly that gets caught in the spider's net, I'm going to close the magazine and think "Isn't he just adorable?..." Actually I think there should be a psychological preparation by the interviewers, some sort of mind control game, that could block Robert Pattinson's awkwardness and goofiness that, suddenly make him an adorable guy. That said, let me tell you about some highlights of his interview to Elle magazine.
Apparently, Robert Pattinson thinks that in 15 years the Paparazzi are long gone with only one specimen remaining that he can easily annihilate:
ELLE: Have you ever fantasized about doing something to destroy the “Twilight image” of you? RP: You know, when the whole thing dries up and there’s hardly any paparazzi around—I don’t know, in 15 years or something—I like the idea of just one paparazzo coming out and trying to get a picture, and I just beat the shit out of him. I mean—out of nowhere—when my picture’s not even worth…and I’ve spent all my money, so you can’t sue me!
I'm sorry to be the one breaking the news here, Rob. This ain't gonna happen. Beginning in "when the whole thing dries up" untill "...so you can't sue me"
He also says he's the worst driver. But not like this. He says it in a way you just want to jump right into the front seat... because he's adorable. Block, block!
Check it out:
ELLE: Have you had many near-death experiences? RP: Yes, loads. I am the worst driver in the world. Every time I get in a car, I call up my parents and say goodbye.
Awwwhhhhh....
I could hit you with a bunch of those. All from this interview. But, by now, you're thinking what the hell Kim Kardashian has to do with this. Well, probably she would be that remaining paparazzo trying to survive in a world where paparazzi would no longer cat fight for one picture of her round ass. But this is not the case. This time the interviewer was a man, so he would find a clever way to make Robert Pattinson talk about female butts...
ELLE: Here’s a line from Maupassant: “The essence of life is the smile of round female bottoms, under the shadow of cosmic boredom.” Any thoughts? RP: That is an absolutely true quote. Round female bottoms are very much a miracle.
And who's got the rounder and bigger of them all? Kim Kardashian! And I'm sure she would provide the shadow too. But I'm guessing who could be the shadow of cosmic boredom in your life, Rob...
Running out of continents to search for the next child to adopt and realizing she's not having sex anytime soon with Brad (because either that or spending time with their six kids), Angelina decided it was time to officially adopt Brad Pitt as her son. And by officially I mean tattooing the coordinates of Brad's birthplace on her arm along with the other ones. No, really. Either this is an extreme measure to call Brad's behavior childish or she genuinely loves him...forever. I believe Angelina is one fierce b*tch that only used Brad Pitt's sperm to have blonde-haired and blue-eyed babies. So I'm going with the first one...
Who would have guessed Snooki would be so agile? Here she is at Wreslemania and I must say I'm impressed. Next time you pass a dumpster on Jersey Shore beware if Snooki doesn't come back flipping out of nowhere and hit you in the stomach. She would only impress me more if she could actually write a book and make it a bestseller.Wait...she already did.
Courteney Cox and Josh Hopkins are spending some days in St. Barths with some friends. Much has been speculated about the nature of their relationship, speccially after Cox's separation from husband David Arquette. To set things straight, their rep released a statement:
"The relationship is strictly platonic and they are away with a group of friends on vacation"
Having the need to justify their relationship only made us more suspicious and less tolerant. So any slip coming from these two will make us have that smile in the corner of our mouth and exclaim:" platonic my a*s!"
So, because the Caribbean sea is dreamy, it gave us just what we wanted: Courteney Cox having a nipple slip and Josh Hopkins having a hard time keeping his shorts. So we burst with delight and go: "I knew it!"
In fact, I'm looking at these pictures and cursing the sea because all it took was one more wave to rip those shorts completely. Damn!
Could it be they are tightening their platonic friendship under water? I guess...
...what goes on in the Caribbean Sea, stays in the Caribbean Sea...
