Tosh Story: January 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

Berg meets Berg.

So, I'm not posting since Friday. And this weekend was all about fantasy meets reality. You'll know what I mean later on...

Let's start with something lighter.

So The Social Network did't win any award this weekend. How crazy is that? (lol!) Or, is the World coming to its senses that this is really a very average movie with a very median screenplay that has only gone this far because it's about Facebook and there's a guy trying to look weird and wears plastic slippers with white socks? No. I'm waiting for the Oscars before building up a reliable theory about this.

Meanwhile, actor Jesse Eisenberg hosted Saturday Night Live and guess who showed up for the opening monologue? Mark Zuckerberg. How mean is this? Here is Jesse thinking "Finally America is going to see me not portraying Zuckerberg! They are going to see how funny I am!!"
Bam! Here comes Zuckerberg almost saying I'm CEO...wherever I go...B**ch!" (Jesus. How mediocre am I? This is f*cking Monday. I don't care. )

And what Jesse Eisenberg thought about it?:

"It was wonderful".

"I was so thrilled that he agreed to come and do that with me. It was the perfect place to meet for the first time."

riiiiiggghht....You look absolutely thrilled Jesse...

I'm just gonna stick with Andy Samberg's word to describe this moment. "AwkBerg!"
Oh, and Mark, even a cat can act better that you. Jesus! What was that??

Friday, January 28, 2011

Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell look suspicious...

Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell were at the 16th National TV Awards where The X Factor won for most popular talent show. Simon "how down can I button my shirt" Cowell seemed really distracted between fiancée makeup artist Mezhgan Hussainy and Cheryl. I'm guessing choosing between boobs almost coming out of the dress and Cheryl's lower back new tattoo (that seems to be already draining out) is difficult. On her side, Cheryl is either thinking Simon actually looks hot or how ridiculously tight can that shirt be...

Check out Cheryl's look and new tattoo:

Later, Simon left perfectly clear his choice was...Mezhgan's boobs.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Jennifer Love Hewitt knows how to put pressure on a guy

Jennifer Love Hewitt, 31, was on Ellen Degeneres show to talk about her new tv movie The Lost Valentine and ended up portraying herself like a bridezilla to be who even has already narrowed to three her possible engagement rings. And are they from a simple jewelry store? No. They are from Tiffany...

Ellen: So is this correct? You have a ring picked out for when you get married?

Jennifer:

"I have actually three because I feel like I'm doing the guy a favor.

"Women are very confusing. We never know what we want and we're not very good at nailing that down for them. I feel like I don't want to be upset if he picks a bad ring. So I feel like having three picked out and saying, ‘Look! Look at this plethora of things you can choose from!’ "

"If marriage comes up, I'm like, 'you know what's so wearied, there's this store and there's this three rings in it and if you chose one of these three, I’m going to be really excited. And if you go off on your own, we can have a weird, awkward moment. So, why would you want to do that?' ”

Uau! Talk about pressure and cutting the surprise of the moment! (or not - i'm confused, I like Tiffany's rings)

Hewett's boyfriend, actor Alex Beh, might as well go to Tiffany ASAP! The girl even wore a wedding dress to the Golden Globes, right?

These statements (wich are probably what 99% of women think but still pretend they only care about love and what the ring means) caused some really bad comments for Jen,who has been called from desperate, materialistic to pitiful. Come on women? This girl wrote "How I shot cupid". So, how about coherent?

And in some weird way I'm thinking the three rings theory actually makes sense...But then again I'm a materialistic bitch.

Jersey Shore season 4 will go to Italy

Italians brace yourselves for Snooki and company. After a not so warm welcome in Miami for season 2, Jersey Shore cast members are going to try their luck in their dream country, I guess.

The press release issued last Tuesday by MTV gave us a hint for what Italians can expect:

"America’s most talked about housemates are leaving the boardwalk behind for the piazzas of Italy. Poised to get their G.T.L. on abroad, ready to drop in on Vinny’s family for a famous Guadagnino dinner and excited to trade gorillas for Italian stallions, this wacky and dysfunctional family is about to turn ‘the beautiful country’ upside down."

Upside down? Really guys?

I think it's funny the producers assume that in Italy this will be a great happening, that there are lots of guidos and guidettes hanging out on the piazzas and that Italy will never know what hit her.

May I remind you that you are talking about the land of Silvio Berlusconi and a country that elected a porn star, Cicciolina, to the Italian Parliament. This is taking "Reality show" to a whole different level, right?

I rest my case.

And this was Pope Benedict's reaction to the news:

Ryan Murphy respects freedom of choice

A while ago the Kings of Leon rejected an offer from Glee and didn't allow the use of their songs on the show.This was in the summer and created quite a fuss. Even Kings of Leon drummer Nathan Followill couldn't hide his shock to such negative reaction. But his choice of words to Britain's Mojo magazine about this just lit up even harder the anger flame on Glee bosses:

"Turning down Glee was like stepping on a kitten. We had no idea there was going to be that response.

"As artists... you have the right to turn down stuff and at the time it just didn't seem to be the right fit.

"No offense to anybody. Hopefully a show will come out about hot models in bikinis and then we'll let 'em use every one of our songs."

Apparently it's not ok for Glee creator, Ryan Murphy, who rages against musicians who do not provide their music to the show. And for them Ryan Murphy sure wants to make it very clear, specially for Kings of Leon:

“Fuck you, Kings of Leon,”

“They’re self-centered assholes, and they missed the big picture. They missed that a 7-year-old kid can see someone close to their age singing a Kings Of Leon song, which will maybe make them want to join a glee club or pick up a musical instrument. It’s like, OK, hate on arts education. You can make fun of Glee all you want, but at its heart, what we really do is turn kids on to music."

Now, Mr. Murphy, aren´t we going a little too further here?..How amazing was Fame which made a whole generation want to dance, sing and act and all it took was a great cast and their own songs.
Shush now...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Olivia Munn talks about her vagina on the Today Show

Olivia Munn was on the Today show talking about her show, Perfect Couples, and it turns out the intervew was a lot about her vagina being, or not, on Maxim cover, February issue. Remember this?

What do you think? Can you see it? If you say yes, you're actually wrong. Let the wisdom of Munn's brain enlighten yours. So here's what she actually said about this:

"Maybe the people who started it haven´t actually seen a vagina."

"They weren't quite sure what it was..." (wait ...was it a penis?..)

"They don't know what it looks like. They're just ..oh, it's there!" (OMG. I've just realized it Munn! It's actually there! And here I was thinking it was on Timberlake's bed...)

She also drank a lot of wine, twitted at the same time and made Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda kotb look uncomfortable as hell with the V word and make funny faces. Here's my selection. Enjoy:

You can also watch it:

Kim Kardashian's ass is distractive at NBA game

What's round, bounces and keeps guys attention on a NBA game?

Certainly not the ball on this game! Kim Kardashian was up for a minute to show some support to her bo, Nets player Kris Humphries, at the saturday's Mavericks vs New Jersey Nets game and ( bam! ) the game was over for everyone around her. Even the Spin Crowd dude can´t handle it and he certainly knows this ass from closer level.

(The girl sitting next to her, anyone remembers? She sure loves that flower in her hair...)

And look who hung courtside with Kim? Snooki! And here she is talking to Kim:

Snooki: Can you believe I made the New York Times best-selling author list?

Kim: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Snooki: And doesn't this Louis Vuitton bag matches perfectly with my clothes?

So, Kris, the Mavericks won...Could Kim's ass be, by any chance, one of the causes of your lack of concentration? Kris? Kris?...Where are you looking at?...

Monday, January 24, 2011

Kim Kardashian reaches 6 million followers on Twitter. Seems suprised

“OMG I just reached 6 million followers! You guys are everything to me! I love and appreciate you! LOVE MY TWIT FAM! Xoxo”

Where's the surprise Kim? In fact, I'm sure your more than 6 million followers are jumping up and down waiting for the next twitpic of your cleavage!! I'm sure they all appreciate you too...

Carmen Electra and the Pussycat Dolls at Sundance Film Festival

Who is Carmen Electra these days? One of the Pussycat Dolls, so it seems. The Burlesque Show took place at the Sundance Film Festival, in the House of Blues (Park City-Utah), and judging by theses pics made some eyes roll. Carmen was actually one of the original members of the Pussycat Dolls dance ensemble, founded by choreographer Robin Antin in 1993, until she got dismissed.

According to Antin the show, was inspired by the original Pussycat Dolls dancers, including Carmen Electra, and was designed to appeal to male and female Sundance attendees. The choreographer described it as a show about 'female empowerment'.

I don't know if "female empowerment" can be portrayed by some chics holding their asses up in the air but I'm sure Male Sundance attendees will say "Hell yeah!!"

No doubt the Pussycat Doll title seem to fit Carmen Electra like a glove.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Jesse James decides to give a heads-up to Sandra Bullock this time

How thoughtful is Jesse James? Let me just get this. Cheating with this while still married - no heads-up. Deciding to get married to six months girlfriend Kat Von D after completed divorce - heads-up. Right. Mind blowing, I guess.

Thank God Sandra Bullock has her mind set between changing diapers and Ryan Reynolds muscles.

I wonder If Jesse James gave for Sandra's review his kind words to People magazine about his life before 2010:

"You know sometimes the public and press gets it wrong. This is one of those times. 2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs," Jesse told the mag.

"I have never met anyone so kind and loving and committed to making the world a better place every day," he continued. "My love for her is beyond description. So honored that she said 'yes.' "

You're right, we've turned our backs on you and now I'm gonna reach for the toilet-paper and flush you.

Heads-up Jesse?

Snooki's book is a best seller

"OMG. I’m a New York Times Best Selling Author!!! Thank you so much to my fans, family and everyone who made this possible! LOVE YOU ALL !!"

The World as we knew it no longer exists. We've been snookified.

George Clooney recovered from malaria twice. Still awesome.

According to George Clooney's rep, the actor is completely over the malaria he contracted while in the Sudan during the first week in January. But Clooney's awesomeness even stares at malaria and laughs. In his interview on Piers Morgan tonight, this Friday, he said

"Well, even with malaria, is such good fun"

Clooney, who was in Sudan to lend his support to a referendum on independence to the South, revealed it was his second time with malaria.

"I've had it twice. I guess the mosquito in Juba looked at me and thought I was the bar."

I think I completely understand this mosquito. Yesterday, I saw for the first time Steven Soderbergh's Solaris and, although my brain suffered some sort of deceleration due to boringness (that kept me from posting, by the way...), I've also realized that my beliefs in very bad reviews kept me away nine years from appreciating a lot of Clooney's amazing ass, which figures prominently in many scenes in this movie. So the question is how in the hell did I miss this?

Olivia Munn & Justin Timberlake's alleged sexting

Back in September,when Olivia Munn presented a promocional event of The Social Network ,something happend between Olivia and Justin Timberlake the second he reached out for a pen that was on her seat. The happening, who made Olivia feel mind blown (who was already having a hard time not being boring and dumb at this particular presentation) , was even evident to actor Jesse Eisenberg.

Anyway, the news are something happend between those two back then. (Justin, when you look at Olivia and don´t know where to put ~~your~~ the pen, what were you thinking exactly?!...)
Now, according to Life & Style, there was some major sexting going on between these two in December 2010.
Maybe this is not true but you've got to laugh with some of the text messages that supposedly happened between them.

Timberlake to Munn:

"I'm thinking about you"

"You don't understand how hard it is"

Come on!! This is too low for me but i'm gonna give it a try, still...
How hard is it, Justin?... And Olivia, what's with this picture? Are you choking a chicken?...
Ok, I'm done with this!

Oh, if you did't see the video of the Social Network promotional event I was talking about, have a laugh starting at approximately minute 2:46. Would't you just kill to know what Jesse Eisenberg said to Armie Hammer?...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Lamar Odum made us all feel like Lilliputians...

Lamar Odum, Khloe Kardashian's husband, gives an interview to Playboy, February issue, and talks about life with Khloe. Everything was going fine until he was asked about what would happen if a hypothetical sex tape of him and Khloe was leaked:

"When people see us in person, they see Khloé's not small. I'm not small. People see us and are probably like, Damn, I wonder how that looks. We wouldn't have anything to be ashamed about, but no, that's not going down."

Now I'm feeling like a Lilliputian who's about to see a sex tape featuring Gulliver and some giant woman... My sleep will be haunted with this vision for a long time...Thanks a lot Lamar... And this photo isn't helping.

Mark Zuckerberg is CEO even in Tunisia

You might not know this but Tunisia is living tumultuous times these days. The revolution is on the streets and, apparently with Mark Zuckerberg. As the World applauds the Social Network movie, based on aspects of his life and portraits him like a complete "I'm CEO b**ch" jerk, Tunisian people give him a stand up ovation for the role of social networks on the organization for the overthrown of the government. And the "Thank you" is so heartfelt that they even photoshopped the cover of Time magazine with a red lipstick kiss in his cheek!

Why does your girlfriend suddenly want an iPad?

If you need a strong reason to persuade your girlfriend /wife for how useful an iPad can be and nothing seems to work, search no more.

Watch how today's cutting-edge technology can easily transform an iPad into a very advanced sex toy...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Michael Douglas photobombs Angelina Jolie & Catherine Zeta Jones

Don't you just love Michael Douglas expression on this one? And, of course, it's already viral on the web. I'm glad he's doing great photobombing his own wife and maybe grabbing two A-list actresses asses, while they compete for the "I'm wearing the ugliest green dress of the Golden Globes" Award.

Paz de la Huerta totally wasted

A completely drunk Paz de la Huerta, from HBO's Boardwalk Empire, was denied entry at the Golden Globes after -party at Chateau Marmont . She still is kind enough to give an autograph to some dude who is obviously more interested in her accidentally exposed nipple...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Zachary Levi seems focused

Here's Zachary Levi with girlfriend Yvonne Strahovski, (which, by the way, is gorgeous) at the NBC/Universal's Golden Globes After Party. If you're wondering why I say he seems focused I tell you it's because there's no sign of Minka Kelly. If you still don't know what I'm talking about it's because you didn't read this post. Which would be OK if it wasn't awesome and almost nobody noticed it...

Now I'm gonna crawl under a rock and wait until you burst out laughing and say "How did I miss this?!..."

Christina Aguilera? Is this you?

When did this happen? And is that her new boyfriend? Already walking the red carpet? Aren´t we moving a little to fast C.? Boy, this dude must be stuffing pizzas in her mouth while having sex with her...

Ricky Gervais has "balls of steel"

...and probably won't present the Golden Globes again. The line between funny and offensive is really thin. You decide. Here's his opening monolgue at the Golden Globes Awards:

Hayden Panettiere and the silver nipple covers

Hayden Panettiere could have been one of the best dressed at the InStyle/ Warner Bros and HBO Golden Globes Party. Instead she wasn't because her personal stylist solved her problem of a see through dress by putting silver nipple covers which weren't even circular. Actually it seems like she took two silver coffee filters and cut them randomly to fit her nipples.

And here is her giant boyfriend and Hayden entertaining the crowd with their number of ventriloquism...(guess who's the dummy)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Kim Kardashian's lower lip still affected by flu

Kim and Khloe Kardashian were presenters at the Critic's Choice Movie Awards 2011 at the Hollywood Palladium, Friday, 15th January. Though Kim's puffy lower lip still seems affected by ~~botox injections~~ flu, her cleavage managed its way into an orange sunset hue Vera Wang dress...

Khloe, who wore an animal print dress from Blumarine's Fall collection 2010 (Oh! Animal print! She has been Snookified!!) certainly puts an end to pregnancy rumors...I think she, as well, suffered from the same flu reaction...

The Flaming C Action Figure

Ever since I saw Conan O'Brien with jeggings my woman's mind was so blown away with his ...fierceness that it was like, suddenly, I was a PC whose screen just went blue and then delivered the message "the system just recovered from a serious error." After that show he went from "coolest talk show presenter" category to some other dirty category in my mind where I couldn't imagine Coco would ever fit in.

Then came the "The Flaming-C" ,superhero alter-ego, created by Conan O'Brian Warner Bros animator Bruce Timm and, although I'm not sure how a feel about a superhero in fishnet stockings ,frankly I couldn't focus anymore in any of his interviews without imagining how that costume would fit him.

Now, The Flaming C comes to the third dimension by the hands of designer Paul Pape. How cool is this?

Rumer Willis is a Natural Born Model

The first images of Badgley Mischka's 2011 spring campaign were released, debuting a petrified Rumer Willis by the seashore... I can't help wonder what Nigel Barker's (America's Next Top Model judge) considerations about this photos would be. But, then, it turns out we're speaking of Rumer Willis, daughter of Demi More and Bruce Willis... Therefore, everyone thinks she looks amazing and is a natural born model...

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